From the Mommy Files…

That night, I woke up and rolled over to the right. I got dizzy. Hmmm. I hadn’t consumed any alcohol that night.

I settled back down and in a few moments the dizziness stopped. I drifted back asleep.

Sometime later I woke up and rolled over to the left. The room began to spin uncontrollably. What was happening?

No alcohol, I didn’t have a migraine, I ate…what was going on?

It wouldn’t stop. I tried to settle myself, but to no avail. I got scared and let out a scream.

“Oh my God! What’s happening?”

My husband ran up the stairs so fast, it’s amazing he didn’t fall and break a leg.

I explained the situation. The room wouldn’t stop spinning.

“HELP!”

Finally, after a few moments, sitting up, the spinning stopped. It was the weirdest thing I had ever experienced.

You know the head spins after a night of consuming too much alcohol…this was worse.

It was January. Almost one week into the New Year. This had happened to me once before, in August 2012.

My cousin came over.

We drank a bottle of wine, ordered some take out, and talked until the wee hours.

The next morning, I felt hung over. OK.

A while later, I got up from the couch and the room was spinning uncontrollably.

I’d sit back down, and feet on the floor, it would finally stop. This went on the entire day.

Every time I got up it was worse. I got sick.

I crawled around, because standing up made the room spin and started the chain of events again.

I was either on the couch or in the bathroom.

The girls stayed with me on the couch all day. They watched cartoons while I tried to sleep it off.

Just when I thought it was getting better, it got worse.

I was so sick, we decided that I probably had some kind of food poisoning. I couldn’t function.

By the next morning, I was fine.

I never thought twice about it because it didn’t happen again—until that January night.

Except, there was no alcohol involved this time. Hmmm…

So hubs ran up the stairs in record time and I explained the situation. He got me a drink of water.

As I sat there, various parts of my left side began to tingle and then go numb—one after another.

This was not normal.

My husband called and had my doctor paged. He immediately called back with a dire tone:

“GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL NOW! SHE COULD BE HAVING A STROKE!”

A what? Get out! I’m in my early 40s. People my age don’t have strokes.

Well, some do, but lightning already struck me once with a rare malady. What in the world?!

It was after midnight.

I didn’t want to wake the girls and drag them to the ER in the middle of the night, to stay for an untold amount of time.

We called our next door neighbors, who graciously came over right away so we could go to the hospital.

If it was indeed a stroke, there was only so much time to spare before there would be permanent damage.

This was all happening so fast and all I could think about was my kids waking up and wondering where I was.

I didn’t even think about the ratty old, stained t-shirt I was wearing—one kept more for nostalgia than looks.

So in that 25 year old t-shirt that really belonged in the garbage, and my pajama pants, I put on sneakers (yes, believe it or not, I left the house in sneakers!) and my husband and I set off for the hospital.

What was happening to me?

I was still dizzy on and off, and at varying degrees.

It was kinda like being outside yourself.

Who was this person and what was happening?

Why was I on my way to the hospital?

Why did I have something else going on?

What if I did have a stroke?

Who would care for my kids?

It was hard enough to find someone to watch my kids when I was going through chemo.

What would we do if I needed extensive rehab?

What?
What?
What?
Why?
Why?
Why?

At the ER, they were expecting me. The doctor called ahead.

I was quickly put in a wheel chair and taken to triage.

Then came the announcement:

“STROKE ALERT!”

It didn’t seem possible that the alert was for me.

Me, in my early 40s? Isn’t this something that happened to old people?

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Unfortunately this is not the opening of a novel or a short story. This is my real life story–the story about why I haven’t been around, why you haven’t heard much from me this year. Check back soon to read more.