From the Mommy Files…

Archive for the ‘going potty’ Category

Hey there! How’s it going?

Yesterday was the last day of school. Like you, I’ve been mired in all the end-of-the-year events, shopping for teacher gifts, etc. Plus, I’ve been working on an exciting new project, which I will share with you soon. I didn’t want you to think I had succumbed to a new malady, so I thought I’d better check in! 😉

Boo and Bebs enjoying the beach on California's Central Coast.

Boo and Bebs enjoying the beach on California’s Central Coast.

 

Like you, I like to read blogs. (Thanks for reading this one!) Some posts really resonate with me, and I share them on Facebook or Twitter. I thought it would be fun to share them here with you.

Here are my 3 favorite posts from this past week.

1. Saying These 8 Things To Your Kid Every Day Could Change Their Life

I came across this on Facebook, from The Breast Cancer Site. It really hit home. Recently, I have experienced a mindshift in my parenting. I’d been reciting mantras, reading affirmations, trying to motivate, inspire, uplift myself — and boost my confidence. I realized my kids needed this too. These are some great tips to help your kids feel good about themselves, gain confidence, security, and courage.

2. To Build (or Break) a Child’s Spirit

This one comes from Huffington Post Love Matters, by Rachel Macy Stafford. This post reminds us that what we say and how we say it can have a profound impact on our kids. We do get frustrated. Absolutely. No one likes to be yelled at — not even us. We aren’t bad people. Sometimes we make bad choices, and make mistakes, but that doesn’t make us bad people. We have to find ways to turn these incidents into lessons of what not to do, and how to do better. Even something as simple as spilling milk — I know, even when it’s the 100th time — can get our goat. I’ve realized that we need to be positive and use these as teaching moments. We can make they feel awful, or we can teach them that mistakes happen, and remind them they are loved, and they can do better. Sometimes easier said than done, but we all need the reminder sometimes.

Now something just for fun! 😉

3. Bohemian Momsody

This one’s from Scary Mommy. If you don’t subscribe to Scary Mommy, go now and do it! There’s some great stuff there, and some chuckles too. I’m sure we have all felt like this at one time or another. Enjoy!

What are some of your favorite posts this week? What are some of the other blogs that you follow?
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Did you ever have one of those days – or weeks or even years – when you said to yourself, “I didn’t sign up for this crap!”

I think I’m the poster child!

Life seems to get more complicated by the day.

Can we start 2014 again?

I seem to have lost half a year!

Let me explain…

I started the year all fired up… hospital sign

I had a meeting with my editor to jump start the rewrite on my molar pregnancy book.

I had set some goals.

I was going to make things happen.

It was going to be my year.

Then reality set in.

My 5 year-old, who’d spent 3 days in the hospital in November for Encopresis, had begun seeing a psychologist to help her get over her refusal/fear/aversion to poop.

These sessions resulted in hours more work for me.

Driving an hour to the appointment, an hour there, an hour back.

Then there was the charts, and then coaching and cheering, and sourcing prizes and incentives.

I realized I was spending about 3 hours a day on this.

And I didn’t have 3 hours to spare.

I never thought I’d cheer for poop, sit so long in a bathroom trying to coax a poop out of my child.

It seemed we’d take one step forward, then five back.

Then I got a sinus infection.

My immune system has never been the same since chemo, and when I get sick, it knocks me on my rear, and for a long time.

There were days I could barely get out of bed.

To put breakfast on the table, make lunches and pack backpacks was a difficult thing.

My husband had to take the girls to school and pick them up – every day.

After three weeks, I went to the doctor. He decided it was something bacterial, and put me on pneumonia watch. Yikes.

Two different kinds of meds, and those ribs that I fractured a couple of years ago when I had a bad, enduring cough during chemo?

Those were sore again from the coughing.

It took about a month for me to recover.

Now you may know that my mother has had a lot of health issues, and we have been dealing with her refusing to take her meds, her growing meanness to my dad (the only reason she was not in a nursing home was because he put all his energies into caring for her, and waiting on her hand and foot, though it was never enough for her)

In the beginning of February, Mom was not feeling well.

We wondered if this was her way of bringing attention back to her (she’s done this before) following the death of my dad’s brother’s wife (my dad began calling Greece day and night, fearing his brother would soon follow his wife), and the issues with my little one.

I got a call from the nurse at her doctor’s office.

Mom had gone to see her.

I had no idea.

She had a UTI, and they were going to prescribe antibiotics.

I spoke to Mom, she said she didn’t go to the doctor because she thought she had a UTI, she just wanted to go.

OK, well, at least we found this infection.

She is a frequent flyer on the UTIs.

My guess was always poor hygiene, and a growing laziness to even get up out of her chair to use the bathroom.

Mom was always a difficult sort, and seemed to be her own worst enemy.

A few days into the antibiotic, she seemed to grow weaker.

My aunt—Mom’s sister—is a nurse, and lives a few minutes away from my parents.

She went to check on Mom and decided we should press the emergency alert button and summon an ambulance.

Mom couldn’t get up out of the chair.

She didn’t think she could make it to the door.

My mom seemed out of it.

When I got to the hospital, they were still running tests, working her up.

Finally, they told us her UTI had not responded to antibiotics.

Mom is allergic to many antibiotics and has grown resistant to others (since she takes them so much).

Her bladder was severely infected.

She’d have to be admitted, for some heavy duty antibiotics to be administered via IV.

We gathered her things to go up to her room.

As we got Mom out of bed, I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before.

Mom had lost a ton of weight.

Now we thought she’d lost a little; we could tell in her face.

Mom was well over 200 lbs, and she’s only 5’3”.

She could stand to lose some weight, but wow, she had lost quite a bit.

Once in the room, the nurse brought in a scale.

Mom was 157 lbs.

Not two months earlier, she tipped the scales at 215.

What was going on?

She never got out of her chair, and never changed out of her huge nightgowns, so how would we know?

Mom was almost lifeless.

She was incredibly weak, and they started her IV antibiotics.

The next day, they told us the antibiotics weren’t working.

There was no change.

They’d have to increase the dose and the duration.

Hopefully that would do the trick.

In the meantime, she begged and pleaded with Dad not to leave her alone.

She was scared, thought she was dying.

Dad never left her room that week.

A psychologist took us out in the hall to speak to us briefly, and Mom freaked out.

Dad barely ate.

I took him home a couple of times to shower and change, and he wanted to go right back.

Mom expressed to him that she was afraid she’d die, and didn’t want to die alone.

And then of course she threatened that if she were to die alone, she’d haunt him forever.

So what’s a man to do?

So here we are, mid-February:

I’m not 100% well yet.

I’m dragging the Bebs to the psychologist, being a “poopy” cheerleader.

Boo is feeling a bit neglected, acts up. Rare for her.

Then one night, while sitting on the toilet, between poop cheers, Bebs blurts out,

“Is YiaYia going to die?”

I guess I hadn’t thought much about it to that point.

“Will you lose your Mommy?” Boo asked.

Honestly, I lost my mommy a long time ago…but that’s another story for another time.

I guess it was really possible that her body was finally giving up.

The phone rang.

It was the urologist who I’d been chasing for days to get more info on her test results.

 The news was worse than I anticipated.

 

As you know, we are working with Bebs on potty training.

And as always, this little one is giving me a run for the money.

She knows what to do and when, but she still has accidents.

And many times they are on purpose.

At school, they are working with her on the potty training as well.

A couple of days ago, I picked her up at school and I asked her if she went potty.

She laughed and said yes.

The teacher said she only went once.

Apparently when told it was time to go potty, she put her hands on her hips and asked,

“Do you have M&Ms? I get M&Ms at home.”

Her teacher told her that she doesn’t work that way.

And Bebs told her that she doesn’t either.

OK smart aleck 2 year-old!

Enough!

I told her I am not buying any more Pull-ups, that the time has come.

She’s a big girl.

At home she does OK, some accidents of course.

There have been times recently where she tells me she can’t go because she’s going to fall in the potty.

Even if I hold her.

Sometimes the only way I can get her to go is with M&Ms.

Not the best way, but I want her to keep using the potty.

Wednesday came along and we were getting ready for school.

“I think you need to bring the Dora seat to school.”

I wouldn’t bring the seat because what if we go somewhere and there’s no Dora seat?

She has to learn to do without the Dora seat.

I told her when I dropped her off, that she must use the potty.

She asked again for the Dora seat and I told her we only use the Dora seat at home.

They have little potties there and she won’t fall in.

The teacher even told her she would hold onto her while she sat on the potty.

No such luck.

Utter and absolute refusal to use the potty at school.

The teacher thanked me for not bringing the Dora seat, and expressed her frustration.

And she works will hundreds of kids. And she’s frustrated!

Oh boy.

Yesterday we wore panties all day.

She did great for most of the day.

We sat down on the couch to read and we were all cuddle up – she was sort of laying on me.

Then I felt something warm.

You guessed it!

I lost it.

It’s not fun to be peed on!

She apologized, we cleaned up, changed clothes.

She was good for a few more hours.

We got ready to go pick up Boo from school.

She went potty here, no problem.

I told her we would go to the potty as soon as we arrived at Boo’s school.

She said OK and there was no issue.

…Till we got there.

I took her to the bathroom and she let out a roar like I haven’t heard in a while.

I lifted her up to put her on the potty and she straightened and stiffened her body while yelling bloody murder.

The entire school heard her!

“I’m gonna fall in!” she kept yelling.

I kept telling her I wouldn’t let her fall in.

Then I asked how was she going to go to school there?

She can attend there as soon as she’s potty-trained.

When we are there, she never wants to leave and asks all the time when she will go to school there.

I always tell her, as soon as we get rid of the Pull-ups.

Finally she went a bit, but we had to go a few rounds before she did.

Back at home, she had another accident. # 1 and #2.

Yup.

So I told her… “We only pee and poop when we are sitting on the potty.”

I told her to repeat it and she kept pretending like she had no idea what was going on.

We cleaned up, changed clothes.

10 minutes later…

YUP.

AGAIN.

She had that look and I just knew this was now a game.

I started to lose it.

Finally, I didn’t say a word, just took her to the bathroom, cleaned her up and changed clothes.

This time, I put a Pull-up on her.

I kept silent, and she kept asking me questions, kept repeating herself.

It was driving her crazy that I wasn’t responding.

“Why do I have a Pull-up? I’m a big girl! Do I get M&Ms?”

Can you just imagine the smoke coming out of my ears as this little thing had the nerve to ask for M&Ms even after she went in her pants?!

A little while later she came to me.

Bebs: Mommy, are you happy?

(She tends to pose this question when she knows I’m upset with her)

Mommy: No.

Bebs: I want you to be happy. I love you.

(She’s working it)

Mommy: I want to be happy too. But I’m very upset with you.

Bebs: How can I make you happy?

(I’m telling you, she’s a politician in training)

Mommy: You can pee and poop only when you sit on the potty, and not have any more accidents. OK?

Bebs: (Looking down and in a pitiful voice) OK.

She walked away and came back with her new party dress. She wanted to wear it.

I promptly snatched the dress away.

I told her she could not have it until we were done with the potty training.

She said, “but that’s my party dress! What will I wear to the Christmas parties?”

Oh boy.

I think she just told me this is going to go on for awhile.

God help me.

OK, you read that and you’re like, “WHAT? Maria said that?”

I knew that would get your attention.

Trying to keep the sense of humor here, people!

You know I’d gladly do this all again and have another child, but there are circumstances beyond my control. So we might as well look at the positives!

Top 10 Reasons – OK – Reasons to Look on the Bright Side

–          I only have to potty train one more time. I have been peed on before. Those little buggers think it’s funny! NOT!

–          I don’t have to sleep train again. The first few days of letting them cry it out to learn to self-soothe can be brutal!

–          The number of diapers in my future is finite. ‘Nuff said. Which also means the number of poppy diapers I have to change is therefore also limited. 😉

–          I’ll get more sleep. As each day goes on, I get to sleep more and more like a normal person (I don’t have to get up for overnight feedings, etc). I guess this does change later when they start going out with friends. ;-(

–          We don’t have to buy a bigger car so we can fit another car seat. It really wasn’t in the budget anyway. Plus, can you just see all 5’ of me trying to drive a Yukon? I’m laughing just thinking about it.

–          In about 1 to 1-1/2 years, both kids will be in school.  I can then concentrate more on work or volunteer, and wait…dare I say…get my nails done once and a while and lunch with the girls? he he he. I’ll be like a teenager who’s parents went away and left her home alone!

–          I will only have to deal with TWO teenagers. From what I’m hearing about raising a teen today, I’m wondering, can we go to sleep around 13 and wake up at 18? Or just hit the fast forward button?

–          No more nursing. I never again will have to use that Chinese torture device they call a breast pump. (Insert cheer here!) And I won’t have those early nursing issues. I know I don’t need to elaborate. You moms know what I’m talking about. wink, wink

–          I’ll need babysitters less. It’s easier to get a neighbor or friend to watch an older child for a short time. And good babysitters are hard to come by. Plus, at $15/hour for a sitter, we rarely go out anymore.

–          We can get a life. As in social life. Hmmm. Wait, could this mean more actual ADULT time, like just me and the hubs? Hanging with friends? Wow! What’s that?


I’m going to try to add to this list, so I can stay focused and positive with my “new reality.” I won’t let this get me down.

I do thank God every day for my two beautiful daughters. God has another plan for me. So here we are. A new adventure awaits.

Now, I’m sure you have a great visual in your head. Good. It makes the story that much funnier.

BooBoo has occasionally asked why Daddy stands to go potty and we sit. I’ve explained to her that we are made differently. That simple answer seems to work for her 3 year-old brain.

The other night, she was getting ready for her bath. She’d stripped down, and used the toilet prior to entering the tub. Daddy was in charge of her bath that night. She went potty, then got up and stood in front of the toilet. She struck a pose, and uttered, “Daddy, why do you go potty like this?” He sure contained the laughter well. I think he was taken aback by the question, as there she was, naked as a jaybird, standing in front of the toilet, like a boy who was about to pee. “We’re made differently, Sweetie,” he told her. She laughed and went into the bath.

This morning she asked me, “Mommy, why does Daddy stand up to peepee and sit down to poopy?” Oh boy. “Because he’s made differently, Honey,” I say, trying to remain consistent. She actually put her hand on her head and looked rather pensive, as if she was considering the possibilities.

I went to get dressed, when she came into my room and announced, “Do you know how boys go potty? They stand to peepee and sit to poopy. That’s kooky!” evoking the “Kooky” character from Wow Wow Wubbsy, who appears unexpectedly on screen and says, “That’s Kooky!”  She knows I like Kooky. Then she said, “Now you can sing your Kooky song!”

Now that’s Kooky!


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