From the Mommy Files…

Evil Twin?! Part 2

Posted on: July 8, 2010

When we last met, I told you about our 4th of July outings with my husband’s friends from college. It never fails – when my husband goes to the golf outing, BooBoo always seems to morph into DooDoo, her evil twin. I’m telling you, it’s a real Jekyll and Hyde story!

This year, when my husband was getting ready to go golfing, I didn’t feel well. I wasn’t really up for the festivities and was just waiting for DooDoo to rear her ugly head. I wasn’t 100%, and then there was Bebs to deal with too. How would I handle DooDoo?

So we stayed home so I could rest and agreed to meet up with everyone later. I thought we were safe(r) at home.

After Bebs’ afternoon nap, I felt better, so we loaded up the car and headed out. It should take only 45 minutes to get there.

Nope.

Not this time.

UGGGHHHH!

Add construction and traffic, and about 1 hour and 10 minutes into the trip, we were not close.

Then, without warning, our own Mr. Hyde emerged.

It wasn’t Boo this time.

Bebs has an evil twin! What in the world? Shoot me now!

Bebs doesn’t like being in the car for long periods of time – something about being confined, I suppose. This sweet little girl began to roar – with a vengeance. She screamed as loud – and as frequently – as she could. I don’t mean crying – I mean shrieking. I offered snacks, toys – nothing satisfied her. She wanted out – and immediately.

Boo sat in her booster seat quietly drawing. I just felt increasingly worse. The shrieking continued for several minutes. Then I lost it. “Hey! Don’t you yell at me! This wasn’t my idea. Take it up with your father!” The response – a blood-curdling scream that started with a “Noooooo!”

I actually thought about turning around and going home, because this could go further downhill fast, but I shuddered at the thought of one more hour in the car like this.

Ah, the beauty of technology. Our GPS brought us to the right subdivision, except – the wrong street. The address did not exist! In the meantime, my cell phone had fallen under the seat, beyond reach. It kept ringing every two minutes. I knew it was my husband. I started yelling – half in Greek, half in English. “Stop calling me! Eisai trellos? Gamoto! Aseme isiho! STOP!!!”

I very rarely swear – if you ever hear me utter the F-word – oh boy – you are in trouble. Here I said it, and in Greek no less (I didn’t want the girls to learn the word – funny how I had that one moment of clarity during the entire episode. Good to know I wasn’t quite ready for the men in white coats!).

Finally, I parked the car and got out to pry the phone out from under the seat. My husband had called like 10 times. I called. “Where are you?” he asked. “I have no fricken idea! Our lovely GPS brought me to this place and there is no such address! Da—”  I almost said ‘damn it’ but somehow I caught myself. “Darby!” I said. He responded,“Where are you?” “If I knew I would tell you. There’s no street sign here.” I drove to one and told him the name. He asked someone, and imagine that – I was in the right subdivision but on the wrong street. Apparently, we needed the other X Street. Why are the suburbs so confusing? Do they think it’s fun to make visitors feel totally disoriented? Well, we were close. But wait – no one was at the house. They all went to the lake. The little one continued her tirade. Calgon, take me away!

My husband started rattling off some directions to get there. I had no idea what he was saying. So then he told me the GPS can take me to an intersection. Did I really want to rely on that again? I did try to enter the info – it gave me way too many options – no one knew the answer to this conundrum: was it W Maple? E Maple? Maple? N Maple Ave? E Maple St? Oh my goodness – I thought I’d pop a blood vessel at this point. I felt even worse than when we started. I couldn’t stay in that car any longer myself.

One of the guys drove my husband to get us, and then we could follow him to the lake. Meanwhile, I tried to calm down the monster in the backseat. She didn’t want juice before, but somehow now, juice was the magic antidote.

My husband arrived. I was so angry. I could have stayed home and gotten some rest, but he didn’t want to be there without us.  So this was all his fault! Ha! I wasn’t going to be nice. You know what I’m talking about. (Don’t ya love the logic, or lack thereof?)

Somehow the fresh air blowing off the lake, and all these great people changed my attitude in record speed. We got settled. The girls got into their swimsuits. Boo played in the sand. Bebs preferred to sit with another little one, sharing a bag of Cheetos and getting super messy. We made it. It was nice to see everyone. And finally – everyone was happy. It was like nothing had ever happened.

So we’ve traded in DooDoo for Crab, Bebs’ alter ego. I sure hope she doesn’t visit very often. Heck, maybe I’ll get lucky and we won’t see her again.

At least any time soon.

OK, I can hear you laughing out there. You’re laughing at me, but you’re thinking, “I’ve had a day like that! I’m glad I’m not the only one.” We’ve all been there. And unfortunately, at some point, we’ll go there again. Well, if we can’t laugh at ourselves…We have to keep our sense of humor!

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