The Inquisition…

Posted by: Maria A. Karamitsos on: April 16, 2010

• In: Big sister | childrearing | children | Infant | kids | Little sister | Mommyhood | Moms | new baby | new dad | new mom | parenthood | parenting | Toddler | Women
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OK. I heard you. You’re singing that song from Mel Brooks’ “History of the World.” ha ha ha

I knew it would happen eventually. My 3 year-old daughter has always been the curious sort. She asks questions, and is eager to learn. In the last few days, her questions have taken a new dimension. I can just see you right now. You’re shaking your head. You know where this is going.

This morning, my daughter came racing into the powder room, where I was, well, using the facilities. “Mommy!” she shouted. “I have to go potty!” Well, so did I. That’s why I was in there. I asked her if she could wait a minute, to which she replied no, because the “pee pees were going to come out!” I couldn’t make her run upstairs or downstairs to use another bathroom. So I got up to let her have her turn. Then, it came from out of nowhere: “Mommy, why do you have hair where you go pee pee?” I was so not prepared for that, though I had thought before that the question might come up at some point. “When you get older, you will get some too,” I told her. “Oh,” she said, and went about her business. Whew. I wasn’t ready to get into an in-depth discussion about hormones and puberty and all that.

The other morning, as my husband was getting out of bed, my daughter came into the room. He’d slept in his tighty-whities. Nothing gets passed this girl! The first thing out of her mouth was, “Daddy, why don’t you have any clothes on?” I quickly replied, “Because he was warm, Honey.” Apparently, my explanation wasn’t satisfactory. She followed him into the walk-in closet where he got dressed. Then she repeated the question – in a louder voice – perhaps he hadn’t heard her. “Daddy, why don’t you have any clothes on?” For some reason, since I didn’t hear him respond, I repeated my own retort, matching her volume. She didn’t acknowledge me, but asked him again. Finally, he intoned, “Because I didn’t want to wear my jammies.” Oh boy. I was waiting for her to say she didn’t want to wear her jammies, and even worse – for her to think that Mommy wasn’t telling the truth or something. So far no repercussions from that exchange. Double whew.

She’d asked us recently, “Why is Grandpa Daddy’s daddy?” and why my mother is my mother, etc., to which I replied, “Because that’s who God picked.” She seemed to like that answer. “So did God pick you to be my mommy?” she asked. I nodded. She was content.

Here’s a fun one. “Mommy, why am I married to my little sister?” I said, “Honey, she’s your sister, you can’t be married to her.” She quickly said, “But I am married to you too.” I tried to explain. “I’m not married to you, Sweetie, I’m married to Daddy. You’re my daughter.” She then asked, “I thought you loved me?” Well that one about knocked me over. “Of course I love you,” I told her. “That’s why we’re married! Because we love each other! I’m married to you and Daddy and my little sister!” she responded.  I paused for a moment. Do I try to explain this or just leave it where it is? Then I said, “I’m married to Daddy and you and your sister are our children. You can’t marry your mommy or daddy or your sister or your cousins, even though you love them.” To which she said, “OK” and moved to the next question. This is getting trickier by the question. What in the world is next?

You’ll love this one. “Mommy, was I there when you were a nifi (the Greek word for bride)?” Oh no, I thought. We aren’t getting into the birds and the bees already! So I tried to explain it this way: “No, Honey, you weren’t there.” “Why not?” she asked. “Because we didn’t make you yet!” I said. Uh-oh. Not a good answer, because that could have opened a door I didn’t want to go through. Before I could say anything else, she asked another question. “Was I in Heaven with Christouli (the Greek word for Christ)?” To which I quickly shook my head in the affirmative. I was pleased – and impressed – with her thought process. She’s developing logic. “So did I wait until He picked you to be my mommy?” Smart girl! She’s connecting the dots. It was making sense to her. Then she proceeded to ask about her little sister. “Where was Bebs (her nickname for her sister, which comes from the Greek word for baby girl, “Beba”) when I was a baby?” I explained that she wasn’t born yet. She said, “Oh, so she was waiting in Heaven with Christouli?” I told her yes. Then she went to play. Thank goodness that line of questioning was complete! At least for now.

I know this is only the beginning. Now I’m a little nervous. What question will that imaginative and inquisitive mind come up with next? Is it time to stop changing in front of her? Is it time to lock her out of the bathroom when either of us showers or goes to the toilet? Perish the thought that she may pose some awkward question to her teacher or her grandparents!

I’ve been researching here and there about how to handle these questions. I’ve asked other moms, too. They all reiterate the same advice: keep it simple. Don’t elaborate. Try to anticipate questions while you’re conversing. Try to be a step ahead. Wonderful! Another thing we have to try to be a step ahead on! Wow. This is really challenging my brain. I better learn to be really quick with my responses – and succinct. No need for long explanations. I promised myself a long time ago, that I wouldn’t lie to my kids, or put them off like my mother did. When I was 9, I asked where babies came from. My mother quickly told me to look it up in the encyclopedia. I did, and I read the words but had no idea other than technical terms. At that age, I probably would have been content with a response like, “they are gifts from God.” While I hope I don’t get that question for a long, long (long, long, did I say long?) time, I’ll try to give her an appropriate answer, one which her young mind can process. Wish me luck.

Tags: 3 year old, 3 year old mind, Big sister, child development, childrearing, children, dad, developing logic, From the Mommy Files..., growing up, History of the World Part I, inquisitive minds, kids, Maria A. Karamitsos, Mel Brooks, mommy, Mommyhood, Moms, new dad, new mom, parenthood, parenting, parenting advice, parents, teaching moments, Toddler, Women