From the Mommy Files…

One for the Dads: New Dad, Super Hero

Posted on: January 18, 2010

Ahh…you’re a new dad. CONGRATS! You’re elated, full of pride, a little tired, and probably a little frustrated too. I’ve heard many a new dad lament about being relegated to “roommate” status after baby comes along. Well dads, it’s not on purpose. It’s not that we love you any less; it’s not that we aren’t attracted to you anymore, because we are. We’ve taken on the bulk of the baby duties, and we’re exhausted. And nursing moms are even more worn out. Milk production and nursing will wipe out any mom. It’s hard for us to even think about being intimate when we are sleep-deprived, trying hard to do everything right, and well, postpartum, we aren’t feeling very sexy with the extra weight lingering. Honestly, we feel privileged to get a shower in, let alone put makeup on, fix our hair and then find some clothing that we don’t mind spit up or poop getting on it. Believe me, if we could, we’d be with you all the time. It’s been a while since we could make love without a big belly as an obstacle, or it hurting. So here we are. Yes, I know, you have needs. So what’s a guy to do?

          I have a few suggestions for you. Follow these simple steps, and not only will you not suffer from the Roommate Syndrome, you’ll be declared a super hero in your own home, with the just rewards! 😉

          From my own experience, I can tell you, a new mom is too exhausted to ask you to do things. And we don’t want to be perceived as someone barking out orders. So things don’t get done, or it takes a long time to complete a simple task. So my most important piece of advice is, don’t wait for her to ask you to do something. Be proactive.


The laundry has must done at some point. So just go do it. Don’t make a show of it; don’t say, “Hey, I’m going to do the laundry now,” or “I can do that.” Just go do it, before we do. If you need help sorting the laundry or knowing what temperature to wash in or where something goes, don’t hesitate to ask. Or just pay closer attention. You can even ask your mom, your sister or a female friend. You have no idea how much this helps, and how many points this gets you.


A new mom, especially one who is nursing, has to eat well-balanced meals and eat regularly to keep up production. Make her something to eat. Make a meal, ask her if she’s hungry, bring her a glass of water. Presto! You are a very attentive husband or partner.


            A new mom is in desperate need of a break. We usually won’t ask for one, because we’re trying to be super moms. Sending us to take a nap or banishing us to another part of the house won’t work. As soon as the baby cries or we think she needs something, the break is over. Hand her some shoes and her keys and then kick her out of the house. She needs some fresh air and a change of scenery. She’ll really love you for this. Now you are the most considerate husband ever.


             Moms give up a lot. We are virtually tied to our newborns for a while, especially if we’re nursing. We have to feed baby, right? Well, be conscientious of this. Don’t go about your normal routine as if nothing has changed. The addition to the family changes your life too. For a silent show of support, give up some activities for a while and be around to help. We won’t tell you to give up your softball league or not meet your friend for a drink. We made the choice to have a baby, and knew we’d give up stuff, but we will secretly resent you if you continue gallivanting around like you haven’t a care in the world, while it is a production for us to get out of the house with kids in tow. Encourage her to take a night off and meet a friend for coffee. You are now the most wonderful husband ever.

             Give baby a bottle, whether formula or pumped breast milk. The bonding time is great for you and your child, and you are now an involved dad. Seeing Dad holding the baby warms our hearts.


             One last tip: let Mom sleep. You don’t have to take over the night shift, but every so often when baby cries at night get up before she does. Tell her to stay in bed and get some sleep. Let her sleep in on Saturday. When she is well rested, it keeps her weight loss on target, refreshes her, does wonders for her attitude, and you are a super hero, my friend!


             Follow these simple tips and in spite of the craziness, the sleep-deprivation and all the work, you have made yourself sexier, more attractive and the best husband in the entire world. How could she not want you more than ever? Did I mention how this extra bonding time with junior has made this journey even more special for you?

             Happy days, my friend! Or should I say, Happy End? 😉

2 Responses to "One for the Dads: New Dad, Super Hero"

Good points, I think I will definitely subscribe! I’ll go and read some more! What do you see the future of this being?

Hi there,
Thanks for stopping by. Not sure where this is going…having some fun with this and learning how to blog. I’ve got a lot of stuff already written to post, and with two kids, every day I get new material!

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